prayer bead prayers for dealing with big feelings

Often I have huge feelings that I don’t know how to process appropriately, and I wrote these prayers for use on Anglican prayer beads. One thing about having multiple personalities is that someone always has some big feelings to process, and these are prayers whoever is present at the time can pray. Even the repetitionContinue reading “prayer bead prayers for dealing with big feelings”

for thou art with me

God once asked a question of Job, a man whose story I had always seen as a good man going through much suffering because of a pissing contest between God and Satan. I don’t think that’s what happened anymore, I think it’s more that Satan was pissed off because Job was considered righteous, and heContinue reading “for thou art with me”

spirituality of horror

There are so many places where I have met God, some are traditional like in church or in recovery, while others are not so traditional. One of the non-traditional places where I meet God is in horror stories, which probably isn’t a place where normal people tend to find God, but I don’t know ifContinue reading “spirituality of horror”

even in church we (attempt to) hide

When mental illness goes to church, what does that look like? Today’s sermon was about vulnerability, so this is us being vulnerable. My priest knows she is pastoring multiple personalities, but not everyone else knows we exist. At home before the service: Surely there is something that we can wear, Rose says as she dumpsContinue reading “even in church we (attempt to) hide”

grieving eucharist, loving jesus

Disclaimer: Feelings are feelings, it doesn’t mean that they are reality, and I want to say that up front as I talk about deep grief, I experienced throughout the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and the feeling that I had been abandoned by the Church. It’s a story of the deep grief and the lossContinue reading “grieving eucharist, loving jesus”

baptismal promises and covenant – following jesus

Spiritual practice looks different for everyone as well all come to Jesus in different ways, and my relationship with Jesus has been complex. Part of my spiritual practice is to renew my baptismal vows regularly, a minimum of once a week, to keep them on my mind. They are a great guide for Christian life,Continue reading “baptismal promises and covenant – following jesus”

main prayer altar

I’ve been collecting things for a long time to work into my main area where I pray if I’m at home and I’m alone. I pray in the living room with the kids, this is when it’s just me and God. I’ve had many good moments here, and I’ve worked hard to get it howContinue reading “main prayer altar”

thy kingdom come

My Father, who art in heavenI’m still scared of the idea of you as father Hallowed be thy nameLet all I do be done for youAnd for your son, Jesusand the sacrifice of his precious bloodand for the Holy Spiritwho resides within me Thy kingdom comethine, not minethy will be donethine, not mine On earthwhereContinue reading “thy kingdom come”

baptismal promises and covenant – renunciation

Part of my personal spiritual practice is to renew my baptismal vows regularly. Every time I do this, something new jumps out at me and for a while I was concerned and thought did I lie when I took these promises at baptism, at confirmation, at reaffirmation? I don’t think I lied at all, lookingContinue reading “baptismal promises and covenant – renunciation”

have mercy on me for i am in need

This is another of the prayers that I have written during my recovery, when I realized that I am in need of sobriety but cannot achieve it because I sure as hell spent a good portion of my life trying. I’ve been an addict since I was a child, after all, and I had gottenContinue reading “have mercy on me for i am in need”