saint mary magdalene, pray for me

Saint Mary Magdalene, my patron,

You once walked in darkness, you served the prince of darkness, and your life was hell. But then, you met Jesus. You saw Jesus, you chose Jesus. He saved you from your hell, and your life was forever changed.

You renounced all you had been and all you had done, to serve the one who brought you to life from death, to light from darkness.

Jesus was the light for you, and Jesus is the light for me.
Jesus was the life for you, and Jesus is the life for me.
Jesus changed your life completely, and Jesus has changed my life completely.

You left your old way of life, despite it being all you had known until the point you met Jesus, in exchange for the new life that Jesus offered you. You were so grateful for what he did for you that you followed him devoutly and didn’t look back. Did you ever struggle sometimes with the things you had renounced? Even just a little?

I know that I do, despite the fact that I love Jesus and strive to be devoted to him. I’ve committed to ways that help me continue to walk in the light. The Gospels never actually say that you ever did struggle with what you had renounced, so perhaps you were a better woman than me. Maybe you were so devoted to Jesus that you never again struggled with that shit, never once looked back. If that’s so, I commend you.

Our stories are similar, and I want to be as devoted to Jesus as you were. You came to me that day and told me you were my patron saint. It made so much sense, and we’ve talked a lot ever since.

I messed up again today, despite the fact that I verbally renounce this stuff each and every day in the renewal of my baptismal covenant. I renounce these things every damn day and yet I still fuck it up. I’ve committed to following Jesus but I am unfaithful sometimes and wander away. Hell, sometimes I even run away. Nobody needs to lead me into temptation because I lead myself there just fine.

So I was in the store today, and I came across some sticks of selenite. It’s a powerful crystal in that way of life. I saw it, and instead of walking away, I lingered, because I told myself I was just looking. I admired what pretty crystals they were, and so that lead to me picking them up, “just to feel them.” You know how it goes. The rationalizations. I held those selenite sticks in my hand, my body and mind responding to their energy. I breathed it in.

This shit is always there, waiting for me. It seems that it’s so much easier to come across these days. I never used to be able to find cards or crystals in regular stores, I had to order them online or at Pagan stores. But these days, it’s everywhere, mocking me, similar to the way addiction does.

Did you ever have those moments where, even though you were committed to Jesus, you fucked up? Even Peter went back to fishing for a while, because it was old and familiar.

Mary, you met Jesus, and were forever changed. I too have met Jesus and have been changed. I want to walk in that light I’ve been given. Pray for me, and help me, to be as faithful and devoted as you were.

And Jesus, I’m truly sorry, and I humbly repent. In your love and compassion for me, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Published by MaryClare StFrancis

MaryClare StFrancis is a writer who sounds as boring as hell but who is intimately acquainted with the horrific and the sacred. For a long time, darkness has been her friend, but she now walks in the light of Christ. As a committed Episcopalian, her main contribution to the church is her ability to make the priests facepalm or swear, depending on the day and context. MaryClare has a Master of Arts in English and Creative Writing and lives in Mississippi with her four children.

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