it’s me again, jesus

Jesus, it’s me again.
I feel like I’m a disappointment to you,
I’m certainly a disappointment to myself.
I know that I promised not to do that again,
because I when I promised amendment of life,
I truly did mean it at the time.
But here I am, having done the same shit again.
I learned it as a coping skill.
I did it because I was desperate.
But it was still wrong.
I know it wasn’t a good thing to do,
and you know that it’s complicated.
I’m not trying to make excuses,
we both know better,
so I won’t waste your time.
I did wrong.
I was stressed out.
I had tried to keep it all together,
without asking you to hold it together for me.
But I was stubborn and proud,
trying to “fix my problems myself,”
which is a really bad idea.
This is really how this shit even happens to begin with.
I know you understand why I did this.
We both know that the reason why doesn’t make it right.
You know I don’t want to be a bad person.
Perhaps I’m not a bad person,
but rather I’m a person who does bad things sometimes.
I mean I think there’s a big difference between those two.
I want to promise not to do it again but I’m afraid it’s a promise I won’t keep.
I chose to deny your love instead of walk in it.
I am sorry, Jesus, and I repent.
Hey, do you think you could give me a hand in getting back up?

Published by MaryClare StFrancis

MaryClare StFrancis is a writer who sounds as boring as hell but who is intimately acquainted with the horrific and the sacred. For a long time, darkness has been her friend, but she now walks in the light of Christ. As a committed Episcopalian, her main contribution to the church is her ability to make the priests facepalm or swear, depending on the day and context. MaryClare has a Master of Arts in English and Creative Writing and lives in Mississippi with her four children.

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