a prayer of repentance, sort of: otherwise titled “fine, Jesus, I’ll do it.”

Me: Jesus, I’ve fucked up again as far as being angry about shit I can’t control and in so doing, gotten to where I don’t feel as close to you, and to where I’m tempted to relapse.

The thing is, I know I need to repent and as far as confessing, that’s what I’m doing right now. I should be saying something like “I am truly sorry and I humbly repent,” but I don’t want to because it’s the anti-vaxxers and the “self-diagnosed” bullies and those are some pretty damn selfish motherfuckers. I have no respect for them. In fact, I despise them and I want to be free to continue to despise them.

I know I can’t control them, and I know this makes me mean and ugly but like don’t you think they deserve it?
JC: I love them, too.
Me: Okay, okay, my relationship with you is more important than letting douche canoes knows I despise them. I’m not quite sorry though, so do you think you can help me get to that place?

JC: How about those baptismal vows?
Me: Oh, my baptismal vows? I don’t think that was a fair card to play, Jesus. Why did you have to go and bring up those?
JC: You asked for my help.
Me: Oh, you say I asked for your help? Damn it, Jesus. Fine, you win. I’m sorry, okay?
JC: I love you.
Me: Yeah, I love you, too.
JC: Go and be nice.
Me: Yes, I know I’m supposed to play nice. I think I’m going to need your help with that, too.
JC: You might regret saying that.
Me: Yeah, I’m aware of that.
JC: Remember, baptismal vows.
Me: Yeah, Jesus, baptismal vows. Got it.

Published by MaryClare StFrancis

MaryClare StFrancis is a writer who sounds as boring as hell but who is intimately acquainted with the horrific and the sacred. For a long time, darkness has been her friend, but she now walks in the light of Christ. As a committed Episcopalian, her main contribution to the church is her ability to make the priests facepalm or swear, depending on the day and context. MaryClare has a Master of Arts in English and Creative Writing and lives in Mississippi with her four children.

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