teaching the rosary to my kids

I’m teaching my kids to pray the rosary, and here’s how it’s going:

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come what kingdom? God’s kingdom, thy will be done, what’s God’s will. It’s different for all of us, you have to be listening to God on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily TOAST and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory why are you sitting on my book, get off of it for ever and ever, amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, that cat doesn’t want to be held, Kirra, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women Gabriel puts his rosary around the cat like a necklace and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, hey, is that the same as a vagina Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us meow sinners, now and at the hour of our death put the cat down, Emily.

Hail Mary, full of grace Gabriel jumps over Emily the Lord is with thee. Gabriel sticks bread in the toaster. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit OF THY VAGINA, please don’t say that, Gabriel, it’s not how it goes, Jesus. Holy Mary, meow mother of God, pray for us sinners, get your feet off  that now and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. YOUR TOAST IS READY GABRIEL. Blessed art thou amongst THE CHEWY MONSTER, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb IS IT JESUS AGAIN Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst THE CHEWY MONSTER, and blessed is the fruit of thy what is a womb? Just say vagina, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. How many more left?

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with giggle, look at the cat. Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, are we seriously still saying this full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus what fruit, I don’t like fruit. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners speak for yourself now, and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou we know already AMONGST WOMEN and blessed is the fruit of thy why can’t we just say vagina? It’s not technically the fruit of her vagina, Gabriel. Don’t you have to have sex to…yes, but lets talk about that later. Is vagina a bad word? No, it’s not but we are trying to pray right now. Ok, well what’s a womb? We will talk about that later, right after this if you want to. Ok, whatever, it’s a womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace I’m hungry too the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst the cat wants to be put down so he can play women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. How many more of these do we really have to say, can’t we do the doxology thing yet? You mean the Gloria. I mean whatever prayer is at the end. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Hail Mary oh, I think this is the last one. There’s still like two more sections left full of grace that’s enough grace the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. You’re going to knock that down. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Glory be to the father, and to the son, and to the holy spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end, amen.

What’s a mystery? Are they the same every time?

Published by Mary-Clare St. Francis

Mary-Clare St. Francis is a writer who sounds as boring as hell but who is intimately acquainted with the horrific and the sacred. For a long time, darkness has been her friend, but she now walks in the light of Christ. As a committed Episcopalian, her main contribution to the church is her ability to make the priests facepalm or swear, depending on the day and context. Mary-Clare has a Master of Arts in English and Creative Writing and lives in Mississippi with her four children.

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